some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
