I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
