I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize