You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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