currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
