I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We're too hungover to prance.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize