drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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