Nicole vs. Life
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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