Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize