i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
