i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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