Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize