is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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