Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
