Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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