dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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