and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
