if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
