The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
