My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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