I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
