your thong is hanging out like whoa
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
