We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
