im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Found your dick twin last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
