i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
