Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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