gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
