U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
