im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
