My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize