Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
