I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I could fuck to npr.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
