it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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