This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
