Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
