Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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