I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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