the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
