I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Are we still banned from the library?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
