literally had 100 drinks last night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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