People in love make me want to vomit
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
