And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
