Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
