I didn't shave. On purpose
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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