toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
...so i touched it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
