I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
