This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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