I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
