I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
