She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
