1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
