We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
