I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize