you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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