i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
