I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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