thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
