You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
