I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
