she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
