go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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