I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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