Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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