Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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