so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
